Passing Away

My dad passed away on Saturday, June 1st.  My sister and I were in the room.  Our husbands were near by.  Dan and I flew up to Great Falls, Montana, where he lived, the day before.  We had known for 3 or 4 weeks that he was struggling, but until we landed on Friday, we didn't know the end was so close.

When we saw him on Friday night, he still recognized us. He wasn't able to say much, but we knew he knew we were there. We spent a few hours with him on Friday night and several hours on Saturday. Most of the time he was in a morphine assisted sleep.

After we returned from getting some dinner on Saturday, at about 6:00pm, we could tell he wasn't doing well. We called my sister to make sure she was coming over.  My dad was struggling to breathe. Dan and I both thought he might die, but I wasn't really prepared for it.

While my sister and I were sitting next to him, a thought came to my mind.  I wondered whether he felt like he could leave. I asked my sister what she thought. She then told him that he was free to go, that she would be okay and that he didn't need to stay and protect and provide for her anymore. (My dad had fulfilled that role for her at different times in her life.)

After my sister made those comments he opened his eyes wider than I'd ever seen them opened. He looked up from right to left several times in a very startled manner. Then he sat up in bed, winced in pain two times and then fell back down on the bed.

I tried to find a pulse, but couldn't. He was gone.

Within 5 minutes of my sister telling him he was free to go, he was gone.

That was the first time I had ever been with someone when they passed or died. I had always expected it to be a peaceful, spirit filled experience. It wasn't like that. That troubled me. For the next few hours I wondered why he didn't smile, reach for the light, say the name of someone who had previously passed, etc. That was what I'd expected.

Later that night, when I was praying, I asked Heavenly Father what had happened. Why wasn't it a peace-filled passing? The answer I received was, "He didn't understand what was happening."

That made me feel sad. I wish I had told him what to expect. I think I didn't because I didn't want to offend him. He wasn't LDS and only sporadically attended any church. Even if I had offended him, that would have been better than "not understanding what was happening" when he was passing.

I made a mistake. I won't make that same one in the future. I'll worry more about helping increase understanding than possibly offending.

An Unexpected Gift

We received an unexpected gift last night.  It was remarkable and will be remembered and cherished.

We are having a neighborhood donut party tonight.  Our family has had donut parties, it seems like, forever. We make the donuts and the toppings. Then people come and enjoy them.

Since the donut party is today, I had to make all the frostings yesterday.  Last night, about 7:00pm, I was still making the frostings and I was tired--really tired. Dan had fixed dinner for the kids. After one of the kids (our 19 year old) finished eating he offered to help.  Then Dan offered.  Then another child (our 22 year old)  did.  Finally the third child (our 27 year old) did as well.

I really appreciated the help. They unwrapped and cut up loads of Snickers bars and Reese's cups. The help was nice, but the effect of that help is what was unexpected and amazing. All of a sudden our entire home was filled with a tender and sweet spirit. It was almost tangible.  For a second I thought about turning on the TV to watch Derek Hough dance in the finals of DWTS, but quickly checked myself.  I wasn't going to lose this spirit no matter who was dancing.

It remained for at least a half an hour--until I realized I needed 6 more ounces of Snickers and another bottle of vanilla. I am so grateful for that moment in time. It was truly a gift.

Different Yet the Same

We just held our semi annual Stake Conference.  It was wonderful.  I think it changed me.

While there I felt such a strong sense of family and community.  I felt connected to those of our faith as well as others.  We are a community--different from each other--yet the same, in so many ways.

The speakers who spoke enriched my life.  Some were long time members of the LDS church.  Others were recent members.  They were different, yet the same.  Just like all of us.

Different yet the same.

I hope I will be better in reaching out to others.  My husband, Dan, is such a great example in this area. I'll try.

God's People Have Always Been Immigrants

I saw this headline when I looked on www.azcentral.com last Sunday.  It caught my attention.  I agreed with the statement.  It fit right in with my changing view on immigration.

For years, in Arizona, immigration has been a real concern.  It has been a contentious issue.  My response was always something like, "I think whoever wants to live here should be allowed to, as long as they are paying taxes".

Things got heated up with SB1070.  A short time later the Church issued a statement with regard to immigration that initially took me back.  It said something along the lines of accepting everyone, just as the Savior would/did. I thought a lot about that.  Were immigrants "illegal aliens" or "undocumented immigrants"?

Since that statement was issued by the Church, I have searched the scriptures for extra direction.  I have been amazed at what I have found.  Everywhere, everywhere, there are examples of being charitable, and accepting those who have left their homeland, by choice or force. Next time you're reading, look for them.

I've learned a lot.  I'm thankful the Church issued its statement.  I'm also thankful the scriptures are full of examples for me to follow.

The Need to Understand Agency

It's Sunday morning.  I just finished getting ready for church, which starts in about half an hour.  As I was doing my hair, I was listening to the scriptures.  I was listening to 2 Nephi.

As I was listening, I was receiving guidance. I was also comforted by a feeling of peace. I felt as if a set of caring arms or the softest blanket in the world was being placed around me.

Then this thought came to me:  you need(ed) to learn the importance or value of agency.  Then my thoughts went to the fact that you learn best when you experience something yourself.  We must gain a testimony and a working knowledge of the importance, value and absolute necessity of agency.  How else can/could we have the courage and faith necessary to let it be the governing principle that it is.

It's a tough thing for a person like me to learn.  It's a tough thing for a person like me to realize, that in some situations, there is nothing I can do to help, and that another's decisions are not due to the fact that I failed in some way.  Tough things to learn, but necessary.

Pure Joy!!!

My husband and I went on a walk this morning.  We walked along a canal in our neighborhood that  has a greenbelt on one side.

As we were walking home, I noticed three dogs playing in the greenbelt.  As I watched them I noticed one of the dogs was weird.  He pranced and his head was too big for his body.  I mentioned it to my husband.  He said it looked like a cartoon dog.

As we got closer we went over to the side and looked more closely at this weird dog.  Then it dawned on us.  This wasn't a dog. We asked the man standing next to the three "dogs" if this weird dog was a donkey.  He said yes.  This baby donkey was only 4 weeks old.

I have never seen anything or anyone ever exhibit such pure joy.  

He was prancing . . . delightedly . . . continually . . . and with no observed effort. I watched in amazement.  It brought a smile to my face.

As we continued our walk I thought about what that donkey would be like when he was fully grown.  Would he be stubborn, mean and hard to get along with, like most donkeys? I wondered what happens to donkeys, from birth to adulthood, that changes them so.

Then, I posed the same question to myself.  About me.  About other humans.  What happens?  What can we do about it?  As we read in the scriptures, "Adam fell that man might be and men are that they might have JOY."

Let's look for joy and start prancing . . . at least inside our homes!

Being Positive or Lesson Learned From Poorly Attended Meetings

For  years I've heard, read and been told, in a variety of settings, that it is better to be positive than negative.  Of course.  That's a no brainer.  Everyone knows that.  Right? Right.

As a mother I've tried to work on that.  At times I've been sort of successful with it.  At other times I've failed miserably.  In parenting I've always felt there was a conflict with that philosophy.  I know we are supposed to be positive, but I also know that we are supposed to teach, correct and direct.  For me, that has always included the need to express appreciation for what was done, mention what was done wrong, show how to do it right and then praise for doing it correctly or for at least trying to.

Recently I was in two similar settings.  They weren't settings where I was "invested".  I wasn't in charge of them and they didn't involve my family.  So, I wasn't emotionally attached or at risk.  Their success or failure wouldn't reflect upon me.

To be quite honest, both events had a poor turnout.  The number of people who were expected to come didn't.

At the first event the person in charge stood up and said the following, "I'm so disappointed we didn't have a better turnout".  When he said that it struck me in several ways.  One, it made me look around and realize there was a poor turnout.  Two, it made me feel like the event was unsuccessful.  Three, it made me wonder why I was there since so many others weren't. Four, I felt my attendance was unimportant.

At the second event the person in charge stood up and said the following, "I am so glad you're here.  This is wonderful!".  Wow!  What a difference.  His comments also struck me in several ways.  One, I felt lucky to be there. Two, I knew my presence was appreciated. Three, I was excited to be a part of that core group.

These two experiences really brought home to me the principle that you should always be positive.  Being negative not only doesn't help, anyone, it hurts, everyone.  I've thought a lot about those two experiences.  I think I had to be uninvested in order to learn, truly learn that principle.

I'm now trying to implement it fully in my life.  And I mean FULLY.